it never dawned on me to use this as a safe haven for thoughts,
but then again that is what it has always been.
in lew of recent events i have come to realize that
my trust is a far more precious jewel than my love
could ever be.

trust is given after every fiber,
every choice,
has been thoroughly examined
under a microscope.

love is given freely,
never truly thought out
or calculated.

trust is revoked within moments.

love ebbs but returns with the tide.

my trust is delicate
and it is no toy.
there is a certain calculated precision
to my trust
which keeps me from what could help me
or hurt me more than i've ever known.

i love many
in various degrees,
whether platonic,
sororerly,
or romantic.

in all truths i am a closet romantic
and that is fine with me.

i'm not sure if i've ever felt
a love for someone that was in a romantic sense,
but i think i may have.
it took nearly two and a half years
for me to admit that i might have,
but now i don't know.

i treat most guys as if they are bad dogs,
exact words and a little smack on the hand
fixes everything,
but he is the cute puppy who peed on the carpet
and looks so sad and guilty
that i pick it up and shower it in affection.

i like him more than i did the other,
but the secrets we keep make me dizzy.
i will never inspect him thoroughly,
cause i am too wrapped up in my own insecurity.
he makes my pulse quicken.
he makes me laugh.
he makes my skin tingle with every touch,
and in the heat of the moment
we are the only ones that exist.

is that love,
adoration,
infatuation,
or possibly lust?

with him i may never know,
but everything has come to this
and i don't know what i should do anymore.

mood: unsure music: i don't wanna know - new found glory tags: lust trust love